Hey Everyone, welcome to the Dontbeacrumqueen podcast.
In this world of self help and self healing, the words I Choose Me, especially for women, hold a different meaning than they may have in previous years (or decades).
As women, we have been conditioned over the years to be sacrificial, especially when it comes to taking care of others. We do it for our kids, spouses, partners, family members, friends, jobs. You fill in the blank. We always place ourselves last, just like the caboose on a train.
I believe compromise in relationships is important because let’s face it, you can’t always get your way, however, if you’re the one who is continually making sacrifices, that’s a red flag. Trust me, as a former over giving People Pleaser and Peace Keeper I’m fully aware of the consequences of those behaviors. The cost of holding those positions was to ME. It was customary for me to shrink myself so the other party could feel better about themselves all the while silencing My True Self. It was something I learned early on in childhood (we all have a story) but have since learned how to change that and put ME first without guilt.
One big misnomer (in my opinion) is that loving yourself is selfish. I disagree. In fact, I would challenge that by saying if you don’t love the person you are (or you are becoming), how can you possibly love someone else in a healthy way?
Choosing yourself is anything but selfish. On the contrary, it’s imperative. If you’ve ever lived, like me, as an over giving people pleaser/peace keeper, choosing yourself first may feel uncomfortable. You may encounter someone making you feel like you’ve hurt their feelings or disappointed them because you enforced a boundary. Give yourself some Grace to work through the false “guilt” of feeling like you’re a bad person. You’re not. There is something called manipulation, used by others, and it can make you feel like it’s a YOU problem when it’s really a “them” problem.
So what does it really mean to say I Choose ME?
Choosing YOU means staying True to Yourself. It means respecting yourself and standing firm about the type of Life you are building. It means deciding to live in alignment with your core values and being OK if that causes discomfort for you or for someone else. This will not come without fear but you are strong enough to face it head on. Fear can present itself as rejection, abandonment, fear of uncertainty, or fear of not being good enough. Those are OLD stories that have no place in your Life now. Don’t let them win. Know your Worth and don’t settle for less than you deserve.
If you want to know if you’re truly choosing YOU, listen to your body. When something isn’t right for you, no matter how much you try to talk yourself into it (and we’ve all done it), your body speaks Truth. You feel it….the sinking pit in your stomach, the confusion in your mind, the story you keep trying to sell yourself. This is the time to LISTEN. Your body doesn’t lie and can’t be fooled. It could be warning or alerting you that something is off. But, you probably already knew that.
Taking the stand to Choose YOU isn’t going to come without a fight but this time, YOU are fighting for YOU, for your HONOR! Focus on the things you can control, not on the things you can’t (like how others will react). Don’t be a martyr for everyone else around you. Instead, become a strong advocate for yourself, recognizing your needs and understanding you are WORTHY of asking for them to be met.
Changing how you see yourself and Choosing YOU first will undoubtedly bring change into your world. Your decision may upset the apple cart. If you aren’t willing to face that, then just keep surrendering yourself to everyone else’s whims to keep the peace. If you finally see yourself with some value, then step out in Bravery peppered with Love, Kindness, and Empathy. YOU are so very worth the fight that is ahead of you.
If your decision to say “I Choose ME” causes a ruckus in your relationship, then it’s pretty obvious WHO has been benefiting from your sacrifices. Whether you stay or let something go, remember, you DESERVE good things and you DESERVE to be treated well by others.
