The Danger of "Potential"

Hey Everyone, welcome to the Dontbeacrumqueen podcast.  

Today I want to talk about seeing the “Potential” in someone especially when it comes to relationships.  This is a topic that is very near and dear to my own heart because it’s something I’ve been guilty of in the past.  This mindset can be very dangerous and I don’t want you to get caught in it the way I did.

Transcript

Hey Everyone, welcome to the Dontbeacrumqueen podcast.  

Today I want to talk about seeing the “Potential” in someone especially when it comes to relationships.  This is a topic that is very near and dear to my own heart because it’s something I’ve been guilty of in the past.  This mindset can be very dangerous and I don’t want you to get caught in it the way I did.

I’m a very Empathic person which means if I don’t guard my Energy, I will attract individuals who are energy vampires.  I know this now, but I did not have this wisdom when I was younger.  Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), I have the Gift of being able to look into someone’s soul and see their pain.  This “seeing” gives me understanding into why they behave the way they do.  The part I didn’t acknowledge is that their toxic behavior is NEVER ok, no matter what someone has been through.  I was quick to be “forgiving and understanding” because I knew the reason behind their coping mechanisms (usually when they presented as a “victim”).  I saw their Potential, not their reality.  

Whether we want to agree with this or not, a person’s past trauma is THEIR responsibility to confront.  They get to choose whether they want to overcome it and be a better person or stay exactly who, and where, they are.  It’s not our responsibility to be patient and hope that their “Potential” comes to fruition.  That thought process is what keeps us in toxic relationships way past their expiration date.  Not wanting to admit to what is standing right in front of us is a form of our own denial.

Most people you believe have “Potential” are very good manipulators.  They dish out just enough tasty little morsels (behavior wise) to hook you into seeing their goodness while honestly they have no intention of changing.  Justifying their toxic behaviors and dodging any accountability, they’re looking for someone who won’t pressure them to take action.  Don’t be that person.  You can’t build a healthy future with Potential.  

Instead, learn to let go of seeing someone’s “Potential”.  It’s not your job to lead that horse to water.   Stop shrinking yourself and holding onto a version of them that currently doesn’t exist.  If your worry is “what if I give up too soon on someone and WHAT IF they DO become the person I thought they could be?!”  I would challenge you to ask yourself if you’re willing to continue to be the sacrificial lamb for someone who has never taken action to change.  By taking action, I’m not talking about when someone is simply “performing” to make it look they are trying.  I’m talking about Authentic changes.  Manipulators are very, very good at performance.  Trust your Intuition.

Choosing to make a change especially when it involves a relationship takes Courage.  I want you to know that it’s OK to step away from one that is not healthy for you.  That doesn’t make you a bad person.  It actually means you are being a good steward of your own Life and you value the health of your own Wellbeing.  Facing the reality that they will never become the person we knew they had the Potential to be is hard pill to swallow.  You may feel sorrow and compassion for them all at the same time and that’s OK.  Just remember, we each have our OWN Journey.  It doesn’t have to be YOU to fix theirs.

I don’t know how you feel but I’m ready to stop making excuses for people and accept them for WHO they really are.  Not everyone deserves access to us just because they seem “kind”.   

I believe Maya Angelou said it best.  “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time”.  

In closing, there are two questions worth asking yourself:  “Why am I staying?” and “What am I afraid of losing if I go?”

You deserve the BEST, not second-best.  

It’s time to choose YOU, first.