Love Bombing - Is it Happening to Me?

Hey Everyone, welcome to the Dontbeacrumqueen podcast.  

Today I want to talk about Love Bombing.  This is a topic I’m pretty passionate about because I’ve lived it and I want others to be aware of it.  In my opinion, it is nothing short of destruction to your Soul.

I like to call it “The Game of Seduction” or better yet a wicked web of toxic manipulation.  Identifying and understanding it will require you to trust your Intuition so you don’t take the bait.

Transcript

Hey Everyone, welcome to the Dontbeacrumqueen podcast.  

Today I want to talk about Love Bombing.  This is a topic I’m pretty passionate about because I’ve lived it and I want others to be aware of it.  In my opinion, it is nothing short of destruction to your Soul.

I like to call it “The Game of Seduction” or better yet a wicked web of toxic manipulation.  Identifying and understanding it will require you to trust your Intuition so you don’t take the bait.

Those who manipulate are self-centered predators.  Plain and simple.  Manipulation comes in many forms and Love Bombing is just one of those tactics.  The “target” (you and me) have been studied and the manipulator has gathered data through various conversations.  They’ve done their homework and they’ve found the entry places into your heart.  Their intention is calculated.  The predator has found their prey.

Be warned, this person will come across as the most loving, caring and tender hearted person who portrays themselves as a victim in a cruel world.  What you don’t see (yet) is below the surface, is a deep, unhealed, dark soul.  There’s a reason as to why they are so good at what they do.  They’ve mastered their technique for years and you’re not the first person subjected to it.

Keeping someone off balance requires moving at warp speed.  This is key in the world of Love Bombing.  The faster the manipulator moves in the relationship, the less time you have to absorb what’s really happening (even if you feel like something is “off”).  The manipulator knows they must earn your trust to gain your loyalty and when they do, they can control and create emotional dependency.  Honey dripped words followed with incredible attention and affection are served up in abundance to wet your palate and sweep you off your feet.  Before you know it, you are hooked on WHO this person presented themselves to be, not WHO they actually are.

It’s not uncommon for manipulators to want you all to themselves, both physically and emotionally.  They may subtlety try to come between you and your friends, family members, hobbies, etc.  The more they can isolate you, the better it is for them to gain your constant validation.  After all, they can’t risk someone bringing to your attention what’s really happening.

One of the greatest lures a manipulator casts are their words.  They are extremely important and have been strategically chosen because they KNOW the effect they will have on you.  Ever notice how they somehow manage to say all the “right” things?  They are counting on your heart melting as you receive those words.  Trust me, the actual intent is to cause confusion with your “gut” and mess with your head.  It’s all part of the greater game.  Ever heard manipulative phrases like this?

1. Saying “I Love You” very early on
2. You’re my Soulmate
3. I’ve never met anyone like you
4. You “get” me
5. Future faking (marriage, moving in together, etc.)

Another tactic after the initial Love Bombing phase is attempting to make you jealous.  This could be done by one-upping, mentioning past relationships or sharing the details of conversations they are having with people that you feel are inappropriate.  Your reaction will expose any insecurity you have which gives them insight on how to get to you, not to mention it can cause self-doubt.  At the very least, it’s an emotionally immature move (think teenager?) but it’s also a pretty big indicator of their OWN insecurity.

If you’re dealing with a manipulator, it will be important for you to establish healthy boundaries.  However, don’t be surprised when you find them pushing through them as if they don’t exist.  It doesn’t matter how many times you have to remind them, they simply do not care.  They only care about getting what they want however they have to do it, even if it means disrespecting you.  Battling this type of toxicity gets old real fast.  

The test of time will reveal to you WHO, you are actually dealing with.  A toxic person cannot maintain the façade forever.  At some point in time they’re TRUE colors WILL come out.  NO ONE is above being a target for this type of tactic and trust me, it comes in many different forms.  If it’s happened to you (like it did me) make sure you do the hard inner work and learn from the experience.  Raise your level of Awareness.  I now know exactly why I entertained Love Bombing in my last relationship and I will not be repeating that experience going forward.

Lastly, if you are wondering if this is happening to you (Love Bombing) you actually have answered your own question.  If you are feeling pressured or the speed of the relationship is slightly unsettling to you, then YES, you are most likely experiencing Love Bombing.  

Only an emotionally immature individual will resort to toxic, hurtful tactics in a relationship.  Can the person change?  Maybe.  But I think you need to ask yourself if you’re willing to endure such disrespect just because you think they might.  

The reality is we don’t have the power to change someone else.  EVER.  

We only have the power to choose ourselves.  Be Brave.  Choose Wisely.  You won’t regret it.  I know I didn’t.