Dontbeacrumqueen

I started this podcast as the result of my own experience in a narcissistic abusive marriage, which I eventually left. My hope is that as you listen, you will gain a better understanding of what narcissistic abuse is and how to be an Overcomer, not just a survivor. It is my heart’s desire for every woman to know how valuable you are and how much you contribute to the goodness in this world. Don't ever accept crumbs. Live the Life you Deserve. Disclaimer: I am NOT a professional counselor and I do not have a degree in this area. I am simply someone who was able to find true hope after narcissistic abuse and wanted to share what has helped me personally.

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Dontbeacrumqueen

Are You Chasing or Attracting?

August 29, 2025 • Sher

Hey Everyone, welcome to the Dontbeacrumqueen podcast.

I have a question for you. In the context of relationships, have you ever thought about whether you’re chasing or whether you’re attracting?

Well, I have. I’ve thought about it a lot and to be honest, there definitely have been times in my life when I was chasing. It’s when I found myself wanting, more than anything, to be in a relationship. The problem was, being in that mindset (which is scarcity) kept me slightly blinded to (or should I say choosing to ignore), potential red flags.

Hey Everyone, welcome to the Dontbeacrumqueen podcast.

I have a question for you. In the context of relationships, have you ever thought about whether you’re chasing or whether you’re attracting?

When we chase, it usually comes from a place of desperation (anxiety) or afraid we are missing out. Keeping ourselves distracted by chasing convinces us to try and fit a round peg into a square hole. We see “potential” and talk ourselves into making it work even when our intuition is screaming in our ear. Instead, we hush the noise and proceed, usually straight into heartache. We’ve compromised. We’ve accepted settling over what we deserve. Chasing leads to nothing good, only resistance, frustration and even rejection (did I mention increased anxiety?).

So let me ask you this….what IS IT that you’re chasing? Do you even know?

What if you ATTRACTED instead of CHASED?

Attracting involves understanding your value which creates a positive, high vibration Energy that draws people TO you. Some call it an inner confidence (I’m not talking about arrogance) which is achieved by focusing on your own personal growth. Doing so produces an Authenticity that is difficult to ignore, hence the Attraction. You no longer chase or try to force relationships or opportunities. Instead you choose to Trust (which BTW doesn’t mean sitting back and waiting for someone or something to drop in your lap) that the right ones will open up FOR you.

In order to Attract, healthy boundaries are a must. This means you have standards and realize not every person or every opportunity is right for you. You will no longer contort yourself to fit into someone else’s mold nor will you change colors (like a chameleon) to gain approval. You stand on your OWN values and are willing to walk away from those people or opportunities that don’t align with them. Settling is not an option in Attraction.

I don’t know about you but I’ve arrived at a place in my Life where I’m Content. If I meet someone great, if I don’t meet someone that’s fine too. I’m sure those who have been single for a long period of time would critique me by saying “you get to say that because you’ve been married, you’ve had that experience”. Well, I’m here to tell you that marriage is not the solution. Being married DOES NOT guarantee Contentment, Peace or Happiness. THAT is something you must harvest within yourself. Just go ask a few married people.

The reality is desperate people do desperate things. That’s just the Truth. The right person or the right opportunity isn’t going to find you when you are feeling desperate. Actually, I shouldn’t say that. It probably will find you but it will not be the RIGHT one nor will it be a healthy one. I understand we are all on a Journey and we ALL have the capacity to turn hurtful situations into Learning opportunities but I also know not everyone will. Peace comes when we no longer put people, places or things above our own SELF.

We ARE ALL precious human beings. Each and every one of us. Don’t short change yourself because you look around and secretly want what others have. Trust me, theirs probably isn’t that great!

Remember, just because it looks good on the outside doesn’t mean it’s going to be good on the inside.

If you’re going to chase anything in Life, chase YOURSELF. I promise, it will be worth it!