Dontbeacrumqueen

I started this podcast as the result of my own experience in a narcissistic abusive marriage, which I eventually left. My hope is that as you listen, you will gain a better understanding of what narcissistic abuse is and how to be an Overcomer, not just a survivor. It is my heart’s desire for every woman to know how valuable you are and how much you contribute to the goodness in this world. Don't ever accept crumbs. Live the Life you Deserve. Disclaimer: I am NOT a professional counselor and I do not have a degree in this area. I am simply someone who was able to find true hope after narcissistic abuse and wanted to share what has helped me personally.

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Dontbeacrumqueen

Seeking Validation

July 09, 2025 • Sher

Hey Everyone, welcome to the Dontbeacrumqueen podcast.

Have you ever thought about the ways in which you seek validation? Are you even aware that it’s something you do?

As humans, we’re all designed to desire validation. At our core, we want to know that we are worthy, that we have value and that we are good. While those things are very natural, WHERE we are looking for validation determines whether it is healthy or unhealthy.

Hey Everyone, welcome to the Dontbeacrumqueen podcast.

Have you ever thought about the ways in which you seek validation? Are you even aware that it’s something you do?

Seeking validation usually draws us to one of two places; external or internal. While both (in balance) can be important, it gets tricky when we rely too heavily on the external places which can be career, family, friends, loved ones, or even strangers. The attention we get from these people, places, or things might make us feel better about ourselves in the short term but, trust me, it won’t last over time.

True validation can only come from within; a process in which you accept and appreciate your worth and value regardless of the opinions of others. In other words, YOU know you are ENOUGH. This type of validation brings you Peace that cannot be disturbed.

Having this knowledge that you are Enough does not in any way shape or form mean that you’re arrogant because you think you know everything, far from it. In fact, it’s the opposite. That level of self-awareness keeps you teachable (or as many like to say, humble) so you can grow. It’s a place of Freedom.

Doing the hard work of self-reflection to get to such Freedom is never an easy road and I guess that’s why some choose not to travel it. It’s a Journey that takes you into the dark places that we would prefer to keep hidden. It takes intent to be Authentic and Honest, Courageous and Humble, and it takes TIME. Time to unpack a lifetime of wounds.

Everyone FEELS no matter how stoic they’ve learned to be but not everyone knows what to do with what they’re feeling. You can try to shut down your emotions but they will find a way out through another, usually unhealthy, avenue. Learning to be mindful of what you are feeling and what story you are telling yourself will show you how you see yourself. Are you curious (I wonder why I feel that way) or critical (you’re such an idiot)? Remember, Thoughts become Words and Words become Behaviors.

When you compare yourself to others it can leave you feeling “less than”. That is when we find ourselves seeking external validation (people, places, or things). That chase will leave you running on a hamster wheel trying to gain everyone else’s acceptance. When you don’t receive it, the flood gates will open to doubt and depression and you will find yourself on the “performance” track trying to obtain something that is unfulfilling.

When you choose internal validation, it means you aren’t interested in becoming what other people want you to be, nor do you need their approval. You have embraced WHO you are and you trust yourself and the decisions you make even when others disagree. It is the place of absolute ACCEPTANCE of yourself.

Again, this doesn’t mean you still don’t have work to do because honestly, I haven’t met one person yet who has “arrived” if you know what I mean.

I would encourage you to begin observing your behaviors and watch where you go when you need to be “validated”. Are you looking externally for that quick “feel good” or are you looking inward and choosing personal growth? It will tell you a lot about yourself and maybe, just maybe, it will expose areas within you that need some resolution.

I don’t know about you but personally, I prefer to live in Freedom rather than put myself in a cage waiting for someone else to tell me I’m OK. So Stay Humble, Stay Flexible, and Stay Seeking the right Source to help you understand and accept WHO you are. You won’t be disappointed.