Dontbeacrumqueen

I started this podcast as the result of my own experience in a narcissistic abusive marriage, which I eventually left. My hope is that as you listen, you will gain a better understanding of what narcissistic abuse is and how to be an Overcomer, not just a survivor. It is my heart’s desire for every woman to know how valuable you are and how much you contribute to the goodness in this world. Don't ever accept crumbs. Live the Life you Deserve. Disclaimer: I am NOT a professional counselor and I do not have a degree in this area. I am simply someone who was able to find true hope after narcissistic abuse and wanted to share what has helped me personally.

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Dontbeacrumqueen

Right or Wrong Person For You

January 20, 2025 • Sher • Episode 64

Hey Everyone, welcome to the Dontbeacrumqueen podcast.

Have you ever met someone and felt like you knew they weren’t the “right” person for you but you were drawn to them anyhow because it felt good? Deep inside you sensed it wasn’t healthy or it wasn’t going to end well but you couldn’t pull yourself away. Maybe you’ve met that person that felt “wrong” because they weren’t your type or the dynamics in the relationship were SO different than what you were used to?

Hey Everyone, welcome to the Dontbeacrumqueen podcast.

When it comes to relationships I believe it is imperative for us to understand what we are drawn to and why. If you can’t answer this question honestly, then you have some internal work to do. The Truth is we are attracted to what is familiar but not necessarily what is healthy for us.

Maybe for you, it’s the passive person you’re attracted to because it allows you to be in the driver’s seat and you like having that control. They do what you want (most of the time) and usually are very agreeable about it. Given your back story, being in control could be your “safe” place.

In my own personal growth Journey, I became aware of the fact that I was attracted to the “broken little boy” coupled with some bad ass within a guy. The more he suffered in his past and shared his victim story, the more I seemed to be pulled in. This made sense given my back story and the fact that I was a people pleaser/rescuer (now recovering thank goodness). Becoming aware of this “unhealthy” attraction has freed me to be much more careful now in my selection. I’m no longer interested in “saving” anyone and frankly, I’m fresh out of life preservers!

Regardless of what we are attracted to, many of us stay in relationships that we know aren’t good for us. We ignore things that give us pause and we move forward anyhow.

I get it. I did it.

But isn’t it better to be in a healthy relationship? One that is free of manipulation, lies, deceit, passive/aggressive behavior, mind games, or control? Wouldn’t you rather be in a relationship that is built on reciprocal respect, the building up of one another, and a balance of power? In order to Evolve as people, we all need to be lovingly challenged to become the best versions of ourselves. It takes great Humility to create such a safe space in a relationship where vulnerability builds Trust.

I want you to take a moment and think about the relationship you’re in, or the relationships you’ve been in, and HONESTLY ask yourself what were you attracted to in that person. Was it physical looks, financial stability, their charisma, or lust? Maybe it was their submissive personality that made you feel like you were steering the relationship?

Whatever the reason, there is no right or wrong answer here. You becoming aware of what you are attracted to and why, is what’s important. If you don’t work on getting those areas within you in a healthier place, you will continue to spin your wheels and attract the wrong people over and over again. I should know. I’ve lived it.

For those of us looking for a long term relationship with the “right” person, we need to ask ourselves a couple of probing questions. Am I looking to just feel good and be validated or am I seeking a Partner that will encourage me to Evolve (which by the way involves TRUTH).

Remember, You cannot attract healthy if YOU remain unhealed and emotionally unhealthy.

We ALL have work to do. It just comes down to whether you want to or not. Not everyone wants to create a new narrative for their Life. That’s the beauty of CHOICE. We all get to CHOOSE.

I hope you choose YES to personal growth. You won’t regret it. I know I haven’t.