Dontbeacrumqueen

I started this podcast as the result of my own experience in a narcissistic abusive marriage, which I eventually left. My hope is that as you listen, you will gain a better understanding of what narcissistic abuse is and how to be an Overcomer, not just a survivor. It is my heart’s desire for every woman to know how valuable you are and how much you contribute to the goodness in this world. Don't ever accept crumbs. Live the Life you Deserve. Disclaimer: I am NOT a professional counselor and I do not have a degree in this area. I am simply someone who was able to find true hope after narcissistic abuse and wanted to share what has helped me personally.

All Episodes

Dontbeacrumqueen

Dimming Your Light

January 14, 2025 • Sher • Episode 63

Hey Everyone, welcome to the Dontbeacrumqueen podcast.

So as I’ve been reflecting back on my own Life experiences, one thing I’ve become aware of are the times when I allowed myself to “dim my Light” so the person I was with could feel better about themselves. This can happen in families, friendships, business or even romantic relationships.

What does it mean to “dim your Light?”

Hey Everyone, welcome to the Dontbeacrumqueen podcast.

What does it mean to “dim your Light?”

We all have an inner Light. For some, it shines brightly, like a Beacon, similar to a Lighthouse showing the Way when clarity is sketchy. You know WHO you are and your Authenticity is shining brightly, radiating your TRUE essence. It’s REAL and it’s why people are drawn to you.

Here’s the thing though, for some that Light of yours is going to be a stumbling block. They may find themselves in a love/hate situation with your inner Light. On one hand, they can’t help but be drawn to it and they love how warm it makes them feel. On the other hand they hate how it exposes their insecurities. When this happens, you may find their behavior taking on a passive/aggressive tone, against your Light. It can feel like a personal attack.

When this happens, there is one of two ways that we respond.

If you are a people pleaser (like yours truly, working on it, wink!), we tend to dim our Light so the other person doesn’t feel uncomfortable. While this is a noble gesture, it doesn’t benefit anyone. The other person already knows how bright your Light is (hello! It’s the reason they were drawn to you) so now they KNOW that you are trying to be someone you’re not. If the other person has a manipulative personality, this becomes a WIN for them. You have now submitted to their lack of self esteem and have entered the land of toxicity.

The other, and healthier way, you may respond is to Shine anyhow. Not in a show off, bragging or conceited way but in a way that says I KNOW who I am. I have worked hard to find this person. I’m not trying to make you feel uncomfortable but as they say “if it’s too hot in the kitchen, then get out”. Taking this stance exudes confidence and being comfortable with your attributes. This does NOT mean you lack compassion or empathy for someone who is insecure (BTW, we all are at some point) but it’s having the Courage to say “I’m not going to shrink back to gain your approval, even if that means losing you”. Not everyone is meant to accompany you on your Journey. Some are only meant to join you for season. You can love people and still let them go.

As Eleanor Roosevelt so beautifully said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

We all have an individual choice to face the demons within us that haunt us (and yes, we ALL have them). Those who have gone into the dark places and faced that battle are usually the ones whose Light is burning bright. It didn’t come without a price but they were willing to pay it.

If someone’s Light is irritating you maybe it’s time you look within. What is it that is SO irritating to you? Do they have something you want? Are you comparing your life to theirs? Do you feel like you deserve the Blessings because your life has been hard too? Ok, while that may be true, what are you doing about it?

We all have a back story that has affected who we are today. We don’t have to continue to follow the script. We CAN re-write our story and our Light will begin to shine brighter. If you don’t interrupt your thought process, and continually get caught in the mindset that your life is way harder than everyone else’s then you will always have a light that is flickering.

If you want to be a Beacon, you’re going to have to face the music about who you really are. Not who you THINK you are.

Choose well. You deserve to BE everything you were created to be and that means having a BRIGHT LIGHT!