Dontbeacrumqueen

I started this podcast as the result of my own experience in a narcissistic abusive marriage, which I eventually left. My hope is that as you listen, you will gain a better understanding of what narcissistic abuse is and how to be an Overcomer, not just a survivor. It is my heart’s desire for every woman to know how valuable you are and how much you contribute to the goodness in this world. Don't ever accept crumbs. Live the Life you Deserve. Disclaimer: I am NOT a professional counselor and I do not have a degree in this area. I am simply someone who was able to find true hope after narcissistic abuse and wanted to share what has helped me personally.

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Dontbeacrumqueen

Purpose in the Pain

June 14, 2024 • Sher • Episode 56

Welcome to the Dontbeacrumqueen podcast. My name is Sher and I’m your host.

I’ve been thinking lately about the phrase “Purpose in the Pain” and how Life changing it can be if we see our experiences through that lens.

Living in this world of ours means at some point in our Life, we will ALL experience some level of pain, loss, or heartache. I’m sure if we could choose NOT to go through any of that we would, at least I know I would. Unfortunately, that’s not reality and pain, loss and even heartache are unavoidable. So how do we make Peace then with those things when they happen to us? I believe it’s by seeing “the Purpose in the Pain”.

Welcome to the Dontbeacrumqueen podcast. My name is Sher and I’m your host.

I’ve been thinking lately about the phrase “Purpose in the Pain” and how Life changing it can be if we see our experiences through that lens.

Some incredibly brave individuals have inspired law changes and programs that have been born out of their own excruciating pain. Take for example parents who have lost children. Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) started as a result of a mother who lost her 13 year old daughter to a drunk driver. One woman turned her grief into Action. Imagine how many others were saved from the same fate her daughter faced because she saw a Purpose for her Pain. I cannot begin to imagine the depth of her agony but I’m incredibly Grateful for her Courage.

For those who haven’t suffered such a tragedy, when it comes to relationships (or the breakdown of them) there still is a Purpose for our Pain.

It took me a long time to be able to embrace, and then Believe, that those words held more Truth than I wanted to admit. When you’re going through something painful it’s VERY hard to Believe that something good could come from it. Because in that moment, all we feel is what is being done TO us not what is being done FOR us.

Changing your perspective to see how this will be used in your Life as an opportunity to grow personally is priceless. Not only will it help you to move through the pain, but it’s going to open your eyes to areas within your own self that need your attention; areas that are unhealthy and need to be healed so you can become the best version of yourself.

Holding onto what was done TO you will keep you in a place of anger, bitterness and resentment and it will be hard for you to move forward. Carrying past baggage gets heavy.

Let me share a great example of how that mindset can turn something painful into a Blessing from my own life: I was what I called a married single person. My spouse (at the time) was rarely home due to his line of work (and also his lies) so all of the responsibility of the home and our daughter fell on me. The pain of abandonment and rejection I felt was staggering, UNTIL, one day I realized it was really a Blessing. It was God’s Protection over me and my daughter from the narcissistic abuse we endured from him when he was home. The Peace I enjoyed with him gone allowed me to begin to heal right in the midst of the abuse. I began to feel Grateful. Over time, I gained the Strength and Courage to finally file for divorce. But do you see how what was happening was being done FOR me?

Pain is meant to change you. It’s just the way it is. It has the Power to either paralyze you or drive you to take action. The response to pain is up to you.

You can never heal if you won’t embrace the “Purpose in the Pain”. It is designed to shake you so you won’t stay stuck. We don’t have the luxury of a crystal ball to see how our pain will be used to benefit our own lives and the lives of others. This is where we have to Simply Believe in the Purpose.

For me, my pain has developed a passion for sharing with others how repeating behavioral patterns and never healing leads to cycles of unhealthy relationships. I know that not everyone will be willing to do the hard “shadow” work that is required for us to fully grow as a human being but that doesn’t stop me from still desiring it for them.

We are not just here to live Life. We are here to be an ACTIVE participant in our Life and live with INTENTION.

Don’t be willing to accept everything through the lens of what is being done TO you. There is a much greater Purpose as to why it was done FOR you. Get curious about that and let it take you on a Journey to a healthier You.

It’s time to embrace your pain, whether it’s present or in the past, and rise from the Ashes. You deserve the Freedom to become ALL that you were Created to be so stop dimming your Light. It is time, my friend, for YOU to Shine!