You Won't Get Closure From the Narcissist Artwork

Dontbeacrumqueen

I started this podcast as the result of my own experience in a narcissistic abusive marriage, which I eventually left. My hope is that as you listen, you will gain a better understanding of what narcissistic abuse is and how to be an Overcomer, not just a survivor. It is my heart’s desire for every woman to know how valuable you are and how much you contribute to the goodness in this world. Don't ever accept crumbs. Live the Life you Deserve. Disclaimer: I am NOT a professional counselor and I do not have a degree in this area. I am simply someone who was able to find true hope after narcissistic abuse and wanted to share what has helped me personally.

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Dontbeacrumqueen

You Won't Get Closure From the Narcissist

November 01, 2023 • Sher • Episode 50

Welcome to the Dontbeacrumqueen podcast. My name is Sher and I’m your host.

All of us are in some sort of relationship today. Whether it is with friends, family, spouse or a romantic relationship any of them can come to an end. When that happens, we all want some level of closure. If you were in a relationship where you were both mature, healthy adults, having closure means you each accept the relationship is over and own your part in that. It’s saying goodbye, wishing them well, and focusing on your own Healing Journey.

Welcome to the Dontbeacrumqueen podcast. My name is Sher and I’m your host.

Unfortunately, if you were in a relationship with a narcissistic or toxic person and it ended because you were discarded by them, getting closure will be a little tricky because they don’t always like to let you go. By not acknowledging the end of the relationship, it allows the narcissist to leave the door open “just in case” they would ever want to return back to you. They don’t like finality because that means something can’t be changed or undone. Closure is finality.

However, if you were Brave enough to end the relationship with a narcissist or toxic person, you have dealt them a nasty blow. Now, you must be punished and what better way to do that then maintaining some level of control or power over you. Remember, throughout the relationship they successfully maintained the position of withholding from you (whether that was love, sex, affection or finances) and they’ll do everything they can to keep that control even after the break-up. It makes them feel powerful (and provides them with narcissistic supply) knowing that your questions about the demise of your relationship will remain unanswered and it leaves you wondering. They will never give you the WHY.

The only way to break that cycle and take your power back is to go NO CONTACT.

Trust me they will use every excuse in the book to contact you. If you are not co-parenting with a narcissist, you need to block and delete their number from your phone and block them from any social media accounts you may have. If you have the unfortunate situation of co-parenting with them, utilize legal channels to enforce any custodial agreements that were made. Stick to the facts and do not provide small talk. Remember, they get narcissistic supply when you REACT so work hard on responding instead (check out my episode #11 on that topic).

Although it would be nice for the narcissist to admit their wrong doing which led to the demise of the relationship, you will NEVER get it and you don’t NEED it, so stop wasting your energy trying to get it!

Closure comes from within YOU.

As you accept the reality that this really IS the END, acknowledge your feelings, whatever they are (anger, hurt, betrayal or pain). Don’t try to ignore them or bury them. Sit with them and process them in a healthy way, however long that takes.

If you can, remove any items from your home that remind you of them. Sell them, give them away or burn them if you must but cleanse your space! You don’t need them around so you begin to ruminate over the “good times” which by the way didn’t last, did they?

Now is the time for you to focus on YOU. I would implore you to not jump right back into another relationship (as tempting as it may be). Be alone for a while, get your bearings and build your own solid foundation. Embrace personal growth as you learn from this experience.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to LIVE WELL ~ and I hope you do!