Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships Artwork

Dontbeacrumqueen

I started this podcast as the result of my own experience in a narcissistic abusive marriage, which I eventually left. My hope is that as you listen, you will gain a better understanding of what narcissistic abuse is and how to be an Overcomer, not just a survivor. It is my heart’s desire for every woman to know how valuable you are and how much you contribute to the goodness in this world. Don't ever accept crumbs. Live the Life you Deserve. Disclaimer: I am NOT a professional counselor and I do not have a degree in this area. I am simply someone who was able to find true hope after narcissistic abuse and wanted to share what has helped me personally.

All Episodes

Dontbeacrumqueen

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships

June 12, 2023 • Sher • Episode 44

In this episode, I want to share some thoughts with you on what a “Healthy vs. Unhealthy” relationship looks like. I’m pretty sure none of us are in a relationship because we want a bad one but unfortunately sometimes that’s where we find ourselves. So how can you make sure you don’t end up there?

You know the statement “We attract what we are”? Well, there’s validity to it.

Welcome to the Dontbeacrumbqueen podcast. My name is Sher and I’m your host.

You know the statement “We attract what we are”? Well, there’s validity to it.

If you’re not healthy, chances are you’re going to attract someone who is unhealthy. So the first order of business is making sure YOU are healthy. This is going to take some willingness though on your part to take a good hard look at yourself. It means doing the necessary work when it comes to personal growth to unlearn unhealthy thoughts and behaviors you’ve developed over the years. That doesn’t mean you will have a perfect relationship, but it DOES mean that you will not build one based on control, manipulation, withholding affection, negatively criticizing or emasculating your partner. All of which are unhealthy tactics.

Secondly, it’s important to understand what exactly a healthy relationship is. If you’re anything like I was, I was in an unhealthy one for so long, I’m not sure I would have recognized a healthy one. A healthy relationship is really one of what I’ll call interdependence (not to be confused with independence). We all know women who pride themselves in being independent and they don’t want anyone telling them what to do. They like complete autonomy over their life and will often end up with someone who is codependent. This is a likeable arrangement for the independent person because they are sitting in the power seat and the codependent partner has unhealthy boundaries. This type of relationship though isn’t going to survive the long haul of time because it doesn’t allow the vulnerability necessary to cultivate a deep heart felt connection.

Independent relationships are lonely.

Interdependence means there’s a healthy balance between maintaining your unique individual identity and meeting each other’s needs in meaningful ways. You don’t lose yourself in an interdependent relationship. You’re not basing your value on the opinions or approval of your partner and you’re not demanding of one another. Instead, you’ve created a safe place to share your thoughts with the understanding that you can turn to your partner, safely, in times of need. You’ve got each other’s backs.

In this type of relationship, you find yourself becoming inquisitive when it comes to your partner. You’re honestly interested in their thoughts and want to see them become their best self. You accept them, and see them, for who they truly are instead of trying to turn them into an idealized version of who you want them to be. The people in this type of relationship recognize the importance of vulnerability which creates emotional intimacy without fear of being controlled or manipulated. The “blame game” does not exist.

The only thing you will ever be able to control in Life is yourself. The way you think, the way you behave, the words you speak and the choices you make. Unfortunately, some people are too fearful to let go of the coping mechanisms they’ve established over the years in past relationships and that is totally their choice. But it doesn’t mean you need to continue with an unhealthy relationship.

Learning how to thrive in a healthy relationship depends a lot on you. Take the time to self-reflect. Know who you are and what is important to you in a relationship. Give up the need to be right and watch your tongue. You can never take back words after they’ve been spoken. Instead, learn to listen with interest from your heart. Put yourself in their shoes. You might be surprised at the new perspective you’ll get.

Life is just too short to remain unhealthy.