Toxicity Takes a Toll

In this episode, I’m going to talk about how “Toxicity Takes a Toll” especially when it comes to relationships.  However, it also applies to a toxic work environment, a family household or even a friendship.

So, how do you know when something is toxic?  

Transcript

Welcome to the Dontbeacrumbqueen podcast.  My name is Sher and I’m your host.

In this episode, I’m going to talk about how “Toxicity Takes a Toll” especially when it comes to relationships.  However, it also applies to a toxic work environment, a family household or even a friendship.

So, how do you know when something is toxic?  

The definition of toxic is something that is very harmful or unpleasant.  Poisonous, if you will.  It is always extremely unhealthy, or abusive, psychologically and even physically.  There is constant scrutiny and criticism that will leave your self-esteem at an all-time low.  Somehow, you get blamed for everything and can never get anything right.

The scales of power are clearly unbalanced.

It’s not uncommon for us to have experienced this type of romantic relationship especially if we met the person in our young years and have been with them for a long time.  

If we’re honest, the signs that something was toxic were there from the beginning.  We unknowingly chose to label the behavior with words like difficult, hurt, strong-willed or opinionated and thought we could handle it.  After all, we thought we were in “love”.  While those labels may be correct, they are also big red flags indicating manipulation and control that only gets more abusive the longer you’re in the relationship.  

A person who has learned to manipulate others using negativity and passive aggressive behavior is not a healthy person.  If they are ignoring your most basic needs in the relationship and have a tendency to judge and mock you, that is an indication of controlling, unhealthy behavior.   

Toxic (and abusive) people never take responsibility for their behavior.  I’m sure you’ve noticed that if you’re in a relationship with one.  They see themselves as the victim.  A toxic person finds it very hard to be content within a relationship no matter how loving and supportive you are.  This usually stems from neglect and unmet needs they experienced in their own childhood. They function from a place of low self-esteem and need to tear everyone else down to feel better about themselves.  I call them energy vampires.  Unlike a healthy relationship which gives energy back, a toxic one takes energy away.  

Staying in this type of relationship will take its toll.  It will deplete you, leaving you feeling alone, disrespected, exhausted and devalued.  

The reasons why we attract a toxic person are many, but the important lesson is recognizing the triggers that caused you to end up with someone like that to begin with.  Although you may think it was “love”, pay attention to the subtle warning signs.  Are they critical of you even in a “joking” way?  Are they emotionally unavailable or do they withhold from you to get you to do what they want?  Just because it feels familiar and you know how to operate in that kind of relationship, does NOT mean it is a healthy one.  Be careful when you’re out there dating or getting involved with someone in a relationship and watch out for these small, subtle cues.

If you keep repeating the pattern in relationships with toxic people over and over again, I encourage you to take a look at your own unmet needs and issues from the past that may need healing.

Toxic relationships and environments are very difficult to change.  When your mental health and well-being are being impacted by the toxicity, you may have to make the tough decision to leave.  I know I did.  Easier said than done, I know.  But you have to watch out for yourself and sometimes that means ending a bad situation.  Whether that means leaving a job environment that is incredibly toxic because of a toxic boss, ending a friendship because the other person is too toxic, or getting out of a marriage or romantic relationship.

No one deserves to feel like a dead person walking in a relationship.  We ALL deserve to be Loved well so be intentional in your choosing!