Welcome to the Dontbeacrumbqueen podcast. My name is Sher and I’m your host.
In this episode, I’m going to talk about how “Red Flags Don’t Lie”. If you’ve ever been in a relationship, especially one that ends up being abusive, you no doubt felt a check in your gut at some point because of behavior that felt “off”. They are called red flags and they don’t lie.
Red flags aren’t always obvious behavioral issues like addiction, manipulation, gas lighting, infidelity, or lying. They can also include relationship goals that are mismatched or a lack of intimacy with someone who is emotionally unavailable. At the very least, they’re a warning to us that there are unhealthy issues that the other person must address before continuing in a relationship. If you choose to ignore the red flags presenting themselves, then you must accept responsibility for the outcome which isn’t going to be pretty.
So why DO we choose to ignore red flags?
The biggest reason we look the other way when red flags are presenting themselves is because we HOPE that under our care and Love, the person will change. Somehow, we see them as fixable. It makes us feel good to believe that we are that one magical person in the all of the world who can save this wounded soul and turn them around. I hate to burst your bubble but there is only One Source of such redeeming Love that can Save like that, and it isn’t you. Maya Angelou said it best when she said “when people show you who they are the first time, believe them”.
Red flags don’t lie and masks eventually fall off.
Another reason we may ignore the “check in our gut” is because the person has done a good job of making a good impression on you. They presented themselves as helpful and caring and you seem compatible. However, you can’t shake the feeling that something isn’t as good as it could be. Maybe you know what it is or maybe you can’t quite put your finger on it. Regardless, you hush the warning and you keep trying to make it work. After all, you really DO want to be in a long-term serious relationship and the thought of starting over again with someone else is daunting. Those are never good reasons to stay.
Ultimately, the character flaws you are seeing as red flags are things that you will have to live with long-term if this person becomes your Life Partner. If you can genuinely still Love that person whether they ever change or not, then maybe you can move forward. If you keep coming back to the same issues over and over again, wondering if you can live with them long-term, then PAUSE. Take a step back and honestly ask yourself what’s really important to you in a relationship and if you’re settling.
Red flags are our internal alarm system and shouldn’t be ignored. They never, ever LIE. They always reveal the Truth about the person standing in front of us even though we don’t really want to see it. As much as you may want to see someone grow personally, it’s not something you can help them achieve. That’s a road they have to travel alone.
I know what it feels like to turn a blind eye to red flags because I did it. I was certain I could Love his wounds away and fix him. I was so very wrong and spent most of my life in an abusive marriage.
Ending a relationship is never easy but neither is living with heartache and resentment because you’re with the wrong person for YOU. You deserve to have Peace and you deserve to be Loved the way you’ve always dreamed of being Loved.
Don’t ignore what you’re seeing and feeling. Listen to your Intuition. At some point, you’re going to have to Trust yourself. Don’t make the same mistake I did.
